Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors
by WOFWalker
Summary: A series of short letters from our favorite DGM characters to you fanfiction authors. Inspired by Sariniste's "Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors", in which I suggest you go check it out. Enjoy!
1. Allen Walker

**Hey guys! I feel kinda bad for only posting once a week. So, I thought this might make up for it. I hope to update twice a week, with this series be at least one of them. This will somehow inspire me to go on. Also, it's short and easy for me to type.**

 **Also, special thanks to Sariniste for giving me permission to do this. She has her own series of this going on, but with Bleach characters. It'll have the same title as this, but with "Bleach" instead of "DGM". I'd check her out if I were you. Her writing is brilliant and hilarious!**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

I'm really flattered to see how you all thought so highly of me. I was surprised that of all of the 14,800 fanfiction, 7,700 contains me. That's nearly a half. I'm truly astounded.

But I'm sorry to say, I'm not interested in a romantic relationship, let alone have time for it! Seriously, escaping the Black Order, Apocreeper, and the Noahs is first priority. At least I learned _something_ from Master.

Speaking of him, that's another reason for me to not look forward to any romance anytime soon. I do not want to be compared to him and his womanizing indecencies.

And then there were these... _ships._ _*blushes*_ First of all, I'm not gay. I can guarantee you about that. There is no way I'll find Kanda attractive. He's just a comrade and friend and nothing else. Same goes for Lavi. Well, Lavi is more like a neet and someone who I feel like messing around with. And Link is my mom. No way will I think of doing such things with any of them!

And really? Tyki Mikk? He's the enemy, for Innocence's sake! He killed me once, remember? With butterflies. And then there were those with the Millenium Earl… _*shudders*_ And I don't know why you pair me up with Nea, when I have no clue on who he is. Pairing me with Noahs who literally have the same faces does not fare well with me.

Lenalee is like a best friend and sister model to me. I have no romantic relationship going on with her. Plus, I do not want to be chased by Komurins everyday in my life. One was enough. Lou Fa is sweet, but I only find her as a friend.

Also, there is nothing going on between Road and I. She stabbed me on my eye! With a candle. And her stealing my first kiss does not mean we're together. Again, she attempted to stab me with more candles ever since I attempted to exorcise Tyki. She's my enemy!

Ah, well. I think that's about what I have to say. Oh, wait. Hold on. I think there's more...

 _*Scrolls down FFnet to find more stories. He sits rock-still as he saw some particular ones.*_

 _*Speaks slowly as horns and dark aura appear*_ I do not comprehend how you authors will pair me up with Master. He is my Master and nothing more. There is no "us". There is no "forbidden love". There is only him, his womanizing debacles, mountain-heavy debts, and wine-and-smoke addiction.

Now if you'll excuse me, I must clear my mind from seeing such atrocities. And last time I checked, D. Gray-Man is a shounen manga containing tragedy and sorrow, not yaoi.

 **Sincerely,**

 **Allen Walker**

P.S. If I ever turn out to be gay, _I'll_ be the one topping, not the one bottoming.

* * *

 **Please leave reviews.**


	2. Lenalee Lee

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

Um, wow. _*blinks*_ First, as much I have to admit the guys do look handsome (in Allen's case, cute _*giggle*_. Don't tell him that!) I have to say I don't have any romantic feelings towards any of them. To me, they're all family, nothing more, nothing less.

I noticed there were a lot of stories that talk about me being...a bit mean… I don't recall smirking in my entire life...

 _Allen: That's not true! She's the nicest out of all of us! She has the sweetest smile._

Aww, thanks, Allen. But really, I don't mind, but still, I'll never, EVER be mean to my family unless it's for something completely stupid that they did. Like when Allen attempted to save the soul Road had ordered to self-destruct.

 _Allen:_ _*winces and rubs cheek* You do pack a punch._

 _Lavi: Wait 'til you feel her kicks._

Hey! _*fumes*_ Stop saying those things!

 _Lavi: But it's true, and ya know it! You're the toughest out of all of us!_

Thank you for the compliment, Lavi. But I still won't forget what you said, earlier. You too, Allen.

Now, as I was saying, I kinda feel a bit uncomfortable about the girl love with Road. She, along with the rest of the Noah family, are enemies who I must protect my family from. I won't forget the last time on what she did to my body.

 _*puts a hand on her mouth as her eyes widen*_...Whoa, that came out wrong. _*Flustered*_ I meant when she damaged my nerves back at Germany!

Anyways, I don't think I will EVER get into a romantic relationship until like… _*wrinkles her nose*_...80. No thanks to Komui.

 _Komui: I shall always keep my dearest, sweetest Lenalee away from those slimy octopuses! Keep your wandering tentacles away from her or face my Komurin XI!_

 _*Blushes*_ Stop embarrassing me, brother! Geez! Wait, did you just say you made another Komurin?

 **Sincerely,**

 **Lenalee Lee**


	3. Howard Link

**DGM Fanfiction Authors:**

It has come to my immediate attention on the...stories you have written so far. First, I'm not into love. I am forbidden to have any relationships, let alone with men.

Allen Walker, if you happen to chance on reading this, did you seriously consider me as a "mom"? I am simply your observer. It is my job to watch over you.

Please refrain yourself calling me "Lvellie's bitch" or "Lvellie's dog" in your writings. I am a human being who is now seeing the truth with open eyes. I admit that I am devoted to Inspector Lvellie, but I do have a will on my own. I just happen to enjoy making and eating pastries. Have you tried the Inspector's pastries yet? His macaroons are truly delicious.

Ahem. Going off topic here. But I am not in an affair with anyone, let alone Walker. I am doing my duty to aid the 14th in his cause and hope Allen Walker will also pull through this mess.

I have also noticed your extensive usage of repetitive phrases. From what I recorded, there have been:

\- 9,286 "Yu-chan"

\- 7,291 "stormy-grey eyes"

\- 8,438 "Moyashi"

\- 4,682 "Baka Usagi"

\- 9,694 "Bakanda"

\- 3,211 mentions of cuddling/snuggling

\- 2,624 "navy blue eyes"

\- 1,642 "emerald green eye"

\- 2,720 "fiery hair"

\- 3,267 "long, silky hair"

\- 6,947 "white, soft hair"

...And much, much more that I don't want to delve into due to the fact there are way too many or it came to the part where it is considered as inappropriate. I believe that if you want to improve your...writings, you should at least be a bit more creative in the words you use.

Now, your explicit content has blinded me for any more mentions. Thank you for your time in reading this, and I bid you all a good day.

 **Howard Link**


	4. Lavi

**Happy Veterans' Day! I had some time, so I wrote this! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

Wow. There are a LOT of stories about me. Three thousand eight hundred stories. _*whistles*_ That's huge, although… _*smiles deviously*_ ...not as much as Allen and Yu! Boy, they're popular.

I really don't mind what you do with me. After all, a Bookman mustn't show any concern on such frivolous and irrelevant things. But even as "Lavi", it still goes the same. After all, all these materials are great for black-mailing. Plus, many of you have actually decent writings and interesting stories that are enjoyable. And then those ideas for pranks...man, I shoulda have come up with them sooner!

There were also some interesting theories behind my eyepatch. Buuuuttt, keep guessing!

But really, all the angst and drama truly is a killjoy, thus a reason why I prefer to stay happy.

Ah, just to let you all know, like Allen said, there's nothing going on with anyone in the Black Order or Noah family. Panda-jiji will kill me if I did such things! And I'm smart enough to stay out of Komui's way. I'm waaaayyy too young to die. Also, I love my sleep too much to care about having any romance in my life. Allen and Yu are just people to poke fun at.

Still, you guys can run wild with these stories. Oh, well. _*shrugs*_ Your imagination, your story. I enjoyed plenty, well, mostly the non-romantic, humoristic ones, that is.

Trust me, reading these stories beats being forced onto a stone chair that hurts my ass, infected by eyeballs that are clearly unhygienic, and crushed in the innards by a sadistic, perverted, and daughter-obsessed Noah, hands down.

 **Sincerely,**

 **Lavi**


	5. Kanda Yu

**DGM Fanfiction Authors:**

I am not gay. I have no interested in love. Nor will I do such acts with Moyashi, as well with the Baka Usagi. Even I'm not stupid to go after Lenalee. We are only nakama, that is all.

I am a warrior through and through, with of course, definite hate against the Black Order. That alone is enough for me.

Alma is only a childhood friend. We understood each other through pain and suffering. Together, we found it easier to breathe in the world we live in as we shared thoughts and feelings.

There is that girl in my visions though. I know I have feelings for her in my last life, and I'm still continuing my search for her now, although not as much right now.

Then there were these disturbing and untrue facts going on in these...fanfictions. I'm not a gang leader, a CEO of some lame-ass company, or "the most popular/hottest/eye-candy prince of the school". I am not an obsessive stalker. I don't "smirk evilly". I don't fucking purr.

And who the hell came up with the idea of me being a fucking samurai?! Do you see me wearing those retarded helmets or damn armour?! Do you see me riding a fucking horse as I go to missions?! NO. So stop fucking calling me that!

Me coming back for the Moyashi does not mean I fall in love with him. I'm here to return the favor on what he has done for me. It was my fault for awakening the 14th. The guilt that clawed within me won't allow me to die in peace. For that, I will kill the 14th before he truly awakens as a favor for Moyashi.

Also, I do not 'tch', all the time. I don't eat soba all the time. I don't have an accent. I at least said "Allen" correctly on chapter 198. Stop repeating those phrases. It's not true.

 _Lavi and Allen: Uh, yes it is._

 _Allen: And those were some inspiring words back there, BaKanda. I didn't know you felt that way. And you said my name again! But wait a minute...to kill the 14th, doesn't that mean…?_

How the fuck both of you got into my letter? Get the fuck out! _*brandishes Mugen*_

 _Lavi and Allen skedaddled out, slamming the door shut behind them._

Tch. _*sheaths Mugen*_ Bakas.

As I was saying before, I also eat pumpkin and tempura, not just soba.

And what the fuck is wrong with you, using Mugen for your stories?! He's just my Innocence weapon, not some sex toy.

The first and last time I will ever get into a romantic situation was being kissed by a drunk Jiji. The hangover wasn't the only thing he had to suffer the next morning.

 **Kanda**


	6. Bak Chang

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

Why are there barely enough fanfictions with me and Lenalee in it?! Who thought of the idea to pair me up with Fou?! She's violent and doesn't have the sweetness as Lenalee Lee!

 _Fou: *kicks him on the back of his head* Baka-Bak!_

 _*Clutches back of his head as tears sprang out*_ What was that for, Fou?!

 _Fou: *points at Bak* I can hear you, Baka-Bak! I can be sweet, ya know! You were just too stupid to notice._

Oh, yea?! Name one.

 _Fou: I comforted Walker when he was having an identity crisis._

...Well, I wasn't there at the time! _*crosses arms defiantly*_

 _Fou: Who will do things in front of you?! Ew!_

Hey! I'm a decent person! I'm a gentleman to the core!

 _Allen: But those pictures…_

 _Fou: Ya, Baka-Bak! You and your stalking tendencies…_

 _*Breaks into hives*_ Sh-shut up! Why are the both of you in my letter! Shoo! _*waves arms around*_

 _Fou: *Dodges Bak's swings* Ya gotta try better than that, Baka-Bak!_

 _Allen: *scrolls through the FFnet* Hey, you have a pairing with someone else other than Fou and Lenalee!_

Huh? Who is it?

 _Allen: *Stares at screen* Uhhhh…_

Well, spit it out, Walker.

 _Allen: Uhhh…._

 _Fou: I think Walker's broken. *Peers through the computer. Then becomes wide-eyed.*...Whoa, I did not see that coming._

What is it?! Give me the computer!

 _Fou: *Hands computer to him* Fine with me._

 _*Stares at the screen*_ Wha-what?!

 _Fou: I never would have thought that ship actually sails._

Me and Komui?! Okay, hold on. First of all, I'm in love with his sister, not him! He's nuts in the head! There's nothing we have in common!

 _Allen: *Innocently* You both are obsessed with Lenalee, are science freaks, and like to procrastinate._

 _Fou: Oooh, burned! Good one, Walker! *High fives Allen*_

Hey! I have reasons for every one of them!

 _Allen and Fou:..._

...I hate the both of you. But just to let you authors know, that I'M. NOT. GAY! My love is only for Lenalee!

 _Komui: *Appears with a drill in hand* Oh, is that so, Bak Chang-chan? How about I fix that?_

Eep!

 **Sincerely,**

 **Bak Chang**


	7. Cross Marian

**DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

What the fuck is going around in your minds? Unless you're blind, I'm a womanizer, not a fucking faggot.

 _*Chugs down a bottle of wine*_ Tch. You and your crazy hormonic imagination. _*grumbles*_ Thinks that all men must be paired up with other men.

Hell will freeze over if I go out with another guy. And I must be some sort of idiot if I am caught going out with the stupid apprentice and that sis-con Supervisor.

My charming good looks are only meant for ladies, not men. I only keep beautiful things with me.

And if you counter that with exorcists you consider beautiful, you and your blasted mind can fuck off. Klaud is the only exorcist who is beautiful.

Klaud and Anita aren't bad choices. Not bad at all. Both are strong, beautiful women. But what fucking ruined it is that we will be taking care of that idiot apprentice as if he was some sort of son.

And who the hell makes me act as if I abuse the idiot apprentice?! I only provoke him, that's all.

Also, making me the uncle/guardian/and...father of the idiot apprentice of mine went too far. And to top it off, you even went ahead and made sure he called me 'Master' no matter what the situation is! You make it sound as if I had some of weird fetish!

So to all you DGM fanfiction authors, fuck those topics off I dissed off, you hear me?!

 **Sincerely,**

 **Cross Marian**

P.S. Why the hell did you have me side with Noahs?! I'm an independent man who's been forced on a stupid job by that damned 14th. Which reminds me, I should put bullet on him soon for all the trouble he gave me...


	8. Klaud Nine

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

 _*points out to the door*_ Get out. Don't ever pair me again with Cross.

 _Lau Jimin: *chatters noisily in agreement*_

 **Sincerely,**

 **Klaud Nine and Lau Jimin**


	9. Komui Lee

**You thought Klaud's was the official one, huh? Well, it's not cuz Klaud was too great to miss out right after Cross's**

 **Well, enjoy!**

* * *

 **Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

I only have love for my sweet, sweet Lenalee! I have no time to mess with Reever, Bak Chang-chan, or General Cross! Reever is too pushy, and Cross and Bak are dirty octopi that I must keep my Lenalee away from!

 _*Begins wailing*_ Why must you pair my sweet Lenalee with... _boys_? They all have those slippery tentacles that can use to wrap around dear Lenalee!

 _*Scans more of FFnet*_

And what's this?! MY Lenalee with a NOAH?! A female, nevertheless?!

 _Lenalee: Brother! I already explained in my letter. I'm not going out with anyone. Calm. Down._

Calm down? _*begins hyperventilating*_ Calm down!? How can I when you can actually be doing this?!

 _Lenalee: *exasperated* Brother!_

*Suddenly stills and begins snickering evilly* Of course. Why haven't I thought about this? Komurin infused with Innocence…We can truly win this war...We can take over the world! We can cleanse the world of any more octopi corrupting my Lena-!

 _Lenalee: *Kicks him hard in his tender spot* No brother! We have enough trouble with your Komurins without the Innocence!_

 _*Grabs his manhood tenderly*_ Ahh...The true pain of sibling love! _*faints*_

 _Lavi: Well, Lenalady. You really did it._

 _Kanda: Tch. Stupid sis-con deserves it._

 **Sincerely,**

 **Komui Lee**


	10. Noise Marie

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

It's really something to see me, Daisya, Chaozii, and Kanda to become adopted sons for General Tiedoll in your fanfictions. I think it's rather accurate to depict of me being the mediator for Kanda, since we've known each other for a long time.

But I have to assure you that there's really nothing going on between me and Miss Lotto.

 _Lavi comes up with a grin: "Oh really~?"_

Really.

 _Lavi: Poor Miranda will be sad to hear this._

 _*flustered*_ I don't mean it like that!

 _Lavi: But that's what you're implying. And I know what happened back there when Komuvitamin D was running rampant. Your face was all red when she bit your neck!_

 _*Suddenly begins talking calmly, staring at Lavi with his literally blank eyes*_ Lavi, did you there are over 40 ways to cook rabbit?

 _Lavi: ?_

I find that roasted rabbit is among the tastiest, especially when the flavor is enhanced by dijon mustard and butter.

 _Lavi: *laughs nervously* You're such a kidder, Marie!_

And I find that rabbit yakinku is all the rage now. Especially when accompanied with wasabi.

 _Lavi: Ah-hah-hah...Is that so? I never knew. Now lemme just…" *Quickly escapes*_

 _*Places hand over headphones and listens as footsteps quickly faded away*_ As I was saying, there's nothing else between Miss Lotto and I, but I don't mind whatever you authors write as long as it is decent.

 **Sincerely,**

 **Noise Marie**

 **(Fun Fact: Lavi's favorite food is yakiniku and his least favorite is wasabi.)**

 **A/N: I don't know if there's such thing as rabbit yakiniku. But all for the better if our favorite red-haired exorcist doesn't know.**


	11. Froi Tiedoll

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

I'm so happy! You truly made Yu-kun my son as well as Marie, Daisya, and Chaozii!

 _Kanda: For the last time, I'm not your goddamn son!_

Now, now, Yu-kun, you mustn't curse, especially since you're an exorcist.

 _Kanda: Leave me the fuck alone, old man. And stop calling me by my first name._

You don't have to be so shy, Yu!

 _*Kanda slowly begins unsheathing Mugen*_

 _Marie: Now, now, Kanda. Put that away. You know that's how Master is._

 _*Begins bawling*_ Ohhh, Daisya! If you can hear me, you have even become my son in the stories written. And you go along so well with your "brothers", even though you have never met Chaozii yet!

 _Kanda: *demonic aura growing* Just a little, Marie…Just let me cut him up a little…_

 _Marie: *sweatdrops* Kanda...Master…_

I finally feel like a father! I feel so blessed! But you should have Yu-kun become more lenient. He should smile more! Like this! _*whips out Art of Kanda doll*_

 _Kanda: That's it, old man! I've had enough!_

 _Marie: Kanda, please get a hold of yourself!_

 **Sincerely,**

 **Froi Tiedoll**

 **(Fun Fact to those who don't know: Tiedoll was the one who gave Yu the last name "Kanda" when Kanda didn't have a last name to fill in the application form to become a member of the Black Order.)**

 **EXTRA: HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD?! DGM ANIME IS COMING BACK IN 2016! WOOOOHOOOOO! SPREAD THE WORD!**


	12. Allen Walker 2

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

Really. I became a Noah and/or a female? I don't mean to be rude, but that's just…

I'm trying so hard to not be a Noah and yet you went ahead to make me one. You even made me gladly become part of the Noah family. Sure, there were times when I was young, but I think you all have forgotten that Nea is a betrayer of the family. I don't think the 14th will go back to them happily with sunshines and rainbows, and I don't think the Noah family will welcome him back with open arms and innocuous friendliness.

And I don't see the purpose of turning me into a girl. Is it to get me pregnant? Because really, there's no need. And I do _not_ want to get into the topic of what you called "male pregnancy".

Also, I do not have feminine features! _*crosses his arms*_ I am a normal 16 year old boy. Who eats a lot. With a golem for a company, right Tim?

 _Timcanpy: Gyaaaaaahhhh!_

See, even Tim agrees.

 _Timcanpy: *Bites Allen's head*_

 _*rubs head*_ Owww! Tim! What was that for?!

 _Timcanpy: *Flaps around Allen's head then lands on a table nearby*_ Gyaaaaa!

Oh, is there something you want to show me?

 _Timcanpy: *Shoots projection showing…._

 _-Allen stripping Tyki to his boxers in a game of poker_

 _-Tyki 'teasing' Allen before killing him_

 _-Lavi and Allen wearing make-up_

 _-Allen saving Kanda in Mater_

 _-Kanda saving Allen somewhere in London_

 _-Allen taking the blow of a mind-controlled Lavi_

 _-Allen attempting to "save" Tyki_

 _-Allen and Lavi battling against a Tyki with tentacle feelers sprouting behind his back_

 _-Kanda saying Allen's name at North America_

 _-and much, much more…_

Tim! You traitor! Stop showing those projections! I already went over it in my previous letter that I'm. Not. Gay!

 **Sincerely,**

 **Allen Walker**

* * *

 **A/N: Merry Christmas to y'all and Happy Birthday, Allen! :D**


	13. Tyki Mikk

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

Honestly, why am I consider as the molester and rapist in these fanfictions? Really, I have no romantic interest with Cheater A boy and Eyepatch-kun! And don't get me started with Mr. Kitchen Knife!

My title as a Noah of Pleasure simply means that I get to choose on what truly gives me joy and excitement. Please do not use it as a term for sex. And I'd appreciate it if also stop using my powers as an advantage to phase through clothes for sexual intercourse. The power is only meant kill people such as removing organs. But I did enjoy the part where I used it to dodge projectiles flung in my direction. I might as well add that I was able to use my powers perfectly when I became a Noah. There was no instance whatsoever when I got stuck between floors or walls.

I do not understand how all of you come to the point where I am labeled as a womanizer. I think you're mistaking me with Cross Marian, in which there's no similarity between us. Okay, maybe to the part where we smoke but that's about it.

I'd also appreciate it if you don't put "-pon" at the end of my name every time the Earl talks to or about me in your writings. Having the actual Earl saying it is good enough. I don't need to hear you humans do it also.

Using my Teez for sexual pleasure just sounds...wrong. They eat people, remember? I don't think they are quite suitable for...playing.

 _*Quickly scans more stories and slightly winces*_ Really, I don't dig imprisonment and torture. Sure, I did attempted to put a slow death for Shounen, but that's because it gives a noble sort-of-way to die. And really, stop with the rape! Do you even see anything in the canon that involves with me sleeping with other women? That honor goes to Cross, not me! And if you are thinking about the time I danced with that young lady back at Sheril's place, it was just a dance. It's required to do so in a ball, and it's common courtesy to have the gentleman lead a dance.

Anyways, I believe that's it for now. I have a train and humans to catch up. Hopefully, I won't be stripped to my underwear this time.

 _*Suddenly Timcanpy flies in*_

 _*Eyes the golem*_ Hey, you're the boy's golem, aren't you?

 _Timcanpy: Gyaaaa!_

And what's the purpose of you being here?

 _Timcanpy: *Shoots projection of Tyki Mikk being pinned by the Apocryphos*_

Oh, god. Is that what the humans happen to see when I was fighting it?! Delete it! That's just weird!

 **Sincerely,**

 **Tyki Mikk**

 _Extra:_

 _*Sheril suddenly barges into Tyki's room to talk to Tyki, only to see the golem with the projection being shown.*_

 _Sheril: *slowly turns to Tyki* Dearest, brother, don't tell me this is what I think it is._

…Sheril…

 _Sheril: *stares mortifyingly* First, Road, then you?! Do you still have your virginity, brother?!_

Sheril…

 _Sheril: *begins inhaling maddeningly* I'm going to kill that Apocryphos for touching my lovely Road and my dear brother!_

Sheril, just please. Shut. Up. Just. Shut. Up.


	14. Road Kamelot

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

Wow, you truly depict me quite accurately! Description-wise, though.

First things first, I am not in love with the lady exorcist. What's-her-name? _*Puts a finger on her chin and thinks hard. Then snaps her fingers*_ Lenalee! She is only cute as a doll, and that's as far as I will get to infatuation. Otherwise, she is an enemy that I must protect my family from.

No, I am not in love with Nea. Nea is a traitor to my family. He attempted to kill off Millenie. But I do have history with him that does not involve with romance. You'll just have to see the future chapters as my connection with Nea will be revealed soon by Hoshino.

 _Squeeeeeee!_ I _love_ the stories on when you paired me up with Allen! So. Much. Fluff! But as much as I love him, family comes first. There is no way that I'll turn against them. If you want proof, I _did_ attempted to stab Allen with candles back in the White Ark ever since "exercising" Tyki. And then had Bookman Junior fight him.

As much as I love candy, I think the whole betting and getting a year's worth supply of candy is being used too many times. Dolls and anything cute also works!

As much as I am sadistic, I don't overdo it. I love Allen too much to actually torture him physically and mentally! The time back in Germany and the Ark does not count because the first one was under orders and the second was because he hurt Tyki.

Anyways, I've gotta go now. Wisely is calling me. Apocreeper is a bitch. Being a small orb in which I can only communicate with one of my family members sucks. I swear I'll get that damn "Clue-to-the-Heart" back. With extra sweet revenge.

 **Sincerely,**

 **Road Kamelot**

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry for late posting and this one being half-assed. I got busy during the past weekend.**


	15. Millenium Earl

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

My NEEEAAAAAAAA! COME BACK TO MEEEEEE!

 **Sincerely,**

 **Millenium Earl**

* * *

 **A/N: Please forgive me. To those who read my Walking on to Magic, I won't be posting this weekend cuz I got rly busy and I'm so tired. I'll try to post next weekend along w/Accidentally Paranormal. Plz forgive. TT_TT**


	16. Millenium Earl 2

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

I truly apologize about last time. It has been...stressful for me since Nea had revealed something I can't get my mind around.

Nea, my precious 14th, the Ark's musician...He is a brother to me, not a lover. Although my...obsessive tends do get over the top, I only love him in a family manner.

And then...the exorcist, Allen Walker. The one who hosts the 14th. He should really join our family. You writers write wonderful details about him being sadistic and merciless when dealing with exorcists. I do truly hope he joins our family.

Also, I don't believe any other of my beloved Noahs will betray me, especially Road and Tyki. They are only faithful to me and me only. Don't write it as though Nea truly betrayed me. He'll come back to my side one day.

I do believe that is enough for me to say. I just wish...just wish...uh...uh… _*begins bawling*_.

Waaaaaahhhhhhh! Nea come back to me!

 **Sincerely,**

 **Millenium Earl, 1st Noah, Patriarch of the Noah Family, Adam, the Creator, First Magician, Lover of Sugar in Tea, Owner of the Room of Many Telephones, Keeper of the Several Balls of Yarns, Fanatic of Knitting, Conquerer of Road's Homework, Enjoyer of Crocodile St-**

 _Tyki, Road, and Sheril: Milord, I believe that's enough._


	17. Sheril Kamelot

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

How dare you have my darling Road set up with that Walker boy! She's too good for the likes of him. And that...that... _sprout_ of a boy is an exorcist and has the betrayer lying within him. If you dare pair him up with Road, I'm hunting you down and force you into the most embarrassing poses I can think of.

AND you set him up with my dearest brother, Tyki! You humans have sick nonsense if you believe the Noah family will fall in love with the 14th's host. I refuse to believe your nonsense. Your mind must be stuffed with cotton!

And TO THE POINT YOU HAD ME CALL THE WALKER BOY "CUTE"?! UNACCEPTABLE. GOD FORBID.

Finally, IF I SEE ONE MORE FIC OF MY DARLING ROAD OR TYKI SWITCHING TO THE 14TH'S SIDE, I WILL BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP AND BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEEEEEP YOUR HAND AND USING BLEEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP FISHSTICKS TO BLEEP BLEEEEP BLEEEP BLEEP BLEEEEEEEEP AND BLEEEEP BLEEP BLEEEP TO TO THE POINT OF BLEEEP BLEEP AND MORTIMER MOUSE BLEEEP BLEEPP BLEEP BLEEP INTO OBLIVION AND BLEEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEEEEEEEEEP SWEET MOTHER TERESA ON THE HOOD OF A MERCEDES BENZ BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

 _*Breathes maddeningly for a few minutes before calming down*_

 _*Happily*_ But otherwise, thank you for allowing me to be with my lovely, adorable, cute daughter Road and my handsome younger brother, Tyki.

 **Sincerely,**

 **Sheril Kamelot**

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys, sorry for this late posting. I'm here to tell you that I will only be posting Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors and a bit of Dead Clown's Dance within the next months or so. Walking on to Magic and Accidentally Paranormal will be on temporary hiatus. That's all.**

 **WOFWalker**


	18. Wisely Kamelot

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

Hmmmm...There's really not a lot of stories about me, huh. I'm mostly there for family reasons. Oh well. _*shrugs*_ I'm with the Bookman Junior on this - I don't mind what you write about me, although me being loyal to my family is preferable.

It's interesting how you have me to be the mind-reader in your writings. That way I can make fun of people.

Oh, include Gamako in your fanfics. He seems to be missing the spotlight in your fics...

 **Sincerely,**

 **Wisely Kamelot**

* * *

 **A/N: FEHANGJO;AJD;OIFNLK! #$%^ &*&^%$#! DID YOU GUYS SEE THE NEW DGM CHAPTER?! THANK GOD IM CHINESE. IM LITERALLY CRYING. AND OH GAWD. NERDY ALLEN IS REAL!**


	19. Nea D Campbell

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

Well, these are some interesting rumors and theories of me going on about me. Luckily, I am finally out to tell you this.

No, I am not gay nor will I ever be.

No, I do not have hots for Allen 35 years ago. I admit, he does look like a girl, but I don't swing that way.

No, I am not a body-stealing trashlord. I am _**the**_ _**FABULOUS**_ body-stealing trashlord. Also, Allen was the one who offered his body to me.

Okay, maybe I have worded that weirdly. Let me try again, Allen told me that he will store my will and memory until the time comes for me to resurface. Yea, that seems about right.

And no, I do not have the hots for Mana or Millenium Earl. Seriously. That's incest. Are you out of you mind?! Me doing it with my older brother! Yikes! * _shivers*_

There is no way I'm going to help the Vatican. It's the true dark side of the church, thank you very much. I prefer working in my own third side, as Marian had stated before he died off like the idiotic bastard he is.

Also, really, _**Two-Dots?**_ You paired me up with the Crow? I understand Allen because we go far back, but the Zelda?! Are you serious? With that serious attitude and apathetic expression as he suddenly appeared right in front of me when he's supposed to be dead with his magical floating catfish power that heals the soul and bowing before me as he stated that he'll give his life up for me, that's downright scary! I barely even know the man! Heck, he can be a molester like that Mykki Tikk!

 _Link: I do not find that hilarious, 14th._

Hey! Shoo! This is my letter, not yours, scary Rapunzel! You already had your time in the beginning of this series!

 _Link: What did you just call me?_

Scary Rapunzel. It fits. You both have braided golden hair, cared about the ones who changed your minds, and have the wicked guardian who forces you both to do their bidding.

 **Sincerely,**

 **Nea D Campbell, the 14th Noah, the Destroyer, the Musician, Creator of Timcanpy, brother of Mana, the other half of the Millenium Earl, the one who killed 11 Noahs 35 years ago, Owner of the White Ark, the original Mykki Tikk, the healthier one of the brothers, the…**

 _Link: Fourteenth, that's enough._

 _Road: I can really see the brother resemblance._

 _Nea: Hey, what was that supposed to mean?! And how did you get in here, Road?!_

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry for late posting. I've been having a hard time and feeling tired and stressed out.**


	20. Lulubell

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

I'm only writing this to inform you that there is no "love" between me and the 14th. I am loyal only to my master and that is all.

 **Sincerely,**

 **Lulubell**


	21. Skinn Boric

**DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

All I care about is that you have me with sweets. That's all.

 **Skinn Boric**


	22. Miranda Lotto

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

Um, th-thank you for including me in you fics! I-I really do enjoy them although m-maybe you can tone the cursing and f-fighting a little?

Ah! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I-It's your story, I shouldn't suggest you anything! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please forgive me!

A-Ah, I need to mention that Marie and I...Marie and I…. _*blushes*_ Th-there's nothing going on between us. A-ah! I m-mean not romantically, of course.

 _*Begins wildly glancing in different directions*_ W-wait! Unless, Marie is interested me?! _*blushes deeper*_ Ah, Marie, please forgive meeeee!

 _Marie:_ _*holds onto Miranda reassuringly* It's alright, Marie. Just calm down._

 _*Grabs hold onto Marie and begins sobbing*_ MARIE, PLEASE FORGIVE MEEEEEEEEE!

 **Best regards,**

 **Miranda Lotto**


	23. Timothy Hearst

**Deer Dgm Fanficson Athers,**

Emilia is forsing me to rite this, so i have no chois but to do it. Their shuld be more me in yor stores! Weres the ahsome me, eh?! It's mosly about big bro, Allen, althoh i am not complainig abot that.

But what is so speshal about that girly guy? Al he does is go like _*tries his best to imitate a Kanda expression and speaking in a deep voice*_ "Tch, i'm so kool and hansom. i can do anything i freakin want. tch. tch. tch. i steal booby girl's hair ties to tie my long princessy hair and sit down criss-cross apple saus all day. i wear tight turtlneks to show off my muscular abs. My smirk can make fan gurls melt and faint. meet my mitey mewgen, rawr!"

 _Kanda: I dare you to repeat that again, brat._

 _Lenalee: Booby...girl...?_

Yu hear me, princess man and boobs.

 _Kanda: *emits dark aura* Then let's see you how you fare against my so-called mighty Mugen. *begins to unsheathe Mugen*_

Wahhhh, save me, Emilia!

 _Tsukishima: You really need to learn your manners, young master._

Sh-shaddup!

 **Timothy Hearst**


	24. Johnny Gill

**Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,**

Hey! Wow, you have a lot of fanfics, although there's not a lot of me in it... Not that I mind!

It's interesting how you each write your stories. There's so much creativity going on there! But I'd appreciate it if you don't have any Allen turning into a Noah. I mean, Allen is being heavily affected by the Noah. He's determined to stay alone and deal his problems by himself, which makes me sad. Please give Allen happiness.

And that's all I have to say, I guess, heh, heh.

 **Sincerely,**

 **Johnny Gill**

* * *

 **A/N: ayyyyyyyyy, guys. so yea. im super tired. ive been struggling a bit with stuff. well, im also procrastinating, but lemme tell you, writing this stuff is hard. as you can tell, im posting my fics later and later. so until i feel a bit better, im gonna take a bit of hiatus with my fics until i get my schedule settled. i might be able to post chapters once in a while, but who knows. im also gonna take this oppurtunity to write ahead of time, just like what i did before, instead of waiting the last day.**

 **so yea. im gonna take this time to rack better ideas that i have now. toodles.**

 **wofwanker**


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